I specifically remember between my sobs saying, over and over again, "I can't do this anymore! I just can't. It's too hard." And then my sweet mother would say, "You can do this! You can. It's going to be okay" And I think that at those times she tried to hide some of her own tears from me, because she knew that I needed her strength at the time.
I spent a lot of nights in high school doing this.. I don't even want to know how many boxes of tissues I went through at the time. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be my mother, holding her suicidal daughter every night while she sobbed. And then watching her leave the house everyday, not knowing if she would come back alive. The hell that I must have put my mother through... it pains me now to just think about it.
Today, I find myself very far from that girl in high school who wasn't sure why she should live, and felt it necessary to die. I love life, I love everything about it! Yes, it is still hard sometimes but that's the beauty of life- it's challenging. I like challenging things, how boring would life be if it were always easy? I wonder sometimes how my mother feels, after watching me go through such a rough patch in life, and then watches me achieve something really big or talk about the future. I sometimes wonder if just my smile or laugh makes my mom's heart lighten just a little when she thinks about where I once was.
My mom never let me give up, even when I so desparately wanted to. She always encouraged me to keep trying and keep going. She always told me that I can. As I watched the following video this evening, I found myself very grateful that my mom never let me give up on life. I'm thankful every single day for that! I don't even want to think about where I would be if it weren't for my mom- my greatest support!
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