Letting Go

This week has been so crazy.   I moved to Logan to attend USU.

This week I have learned so much, including the fact that I NEED to rely on my Father in Heaven more now than ever before.  I also have never felt so completely alone.  I don't know anyone here and I'm in a completely new place where I still don't know where much of anything is, except school and Wal-Mart (yes, I know where Wal-Mart is. LOL). I've spent a lot of time on my knees this week with my Father.  It's so hard for me to understand, right now, why I felt the need to come to USU, and yet feel so completely isolated and lost.  I so desperately want and need to make friends here, but it is so hard.  I'm going to figure it out though because I can't afford to be isolated anymore.





Something that I am really proud of though is something that happened tonight.  I was alone and I guess kind of feeling bad for myself.  I suddenly wanted so bad to drown my pain out with an addiction- because for so long that is how I dealt with any sort of pain -physical or emotional. Instead, I used other skills that I've learned to handle how I was feeling.  And then I got down on my knees and prayed my heart out not just about wanting to relapse but about everything else in my life, I talked with God for a long time about it.  As I sat on my bed afterwards, trying to calm down, wiping my tears, and regaining strength, it occurred to me.  I didn't relapse!  I really wanted to, I easily could have, but I didn't.  For the first time in a while I feel like I'm actually changing, not just pretending to change.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have changed a lot in the last year and a half, but there have been some things that have been really hard for me to give up.  However, I don't want to deal with them and the depression that they bring.  I'm beginning to let go, and beginning to trust God more.  I'm so proud of myself, I can't even express how proud I am!

A Toast:  Here's to letting go!  Here's to change!