{Morning Moments with God}

This morning I woke up and the first thought in my head was about a famous bible story, one I have talked about many times on here, probably because it has been the one thing that has gotten me through hell and back.  It's the one thing that gives me hope.

And the next thought that I had was, I'm gonna go to institute this morning.

You see I have made some really hard choices in the last three weeks.  Some bad, some good, and some kinda good ones.  I haven't gone to institute for three weeks, or really church because I guess I've been trying to avoid the spirit.  When one is not doing spiritually well they don't want to be around those who are doing well spiritually. That was me.  However, last night I spoke with my bishop about my concerns and felt better about where I stood.  I haven't prayed or read my scriptures in close to two weeks.  And it's amazing what a toll it and my other choices has taken on my life.  It has caused me to feel numb, and lost.  Many times I just wanted someone to notice and care that I was breaking, even though I appeared to be fine.  I didn't realize that some did notice.  My Father in Heaven noticed- and He has been reaching out to me.  I just refused to reach back.

I want to share the thought that I had this morning with you.  The thought that inspired me to keep trying, to go to institute, and even pray this morning.

The thought of the story of the adulterous woman came to mind.  More specifically the thought of the savior telling those who wanted to stone her that "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."  In my last bishop's office there was a picture of this scene and under it it said, "The only one who could have cast the first stone, didn't." This phrase has given me so much hope through the last year or so.  It has made me feel like, I can keep going.  I can keep trying.  I can be forgiven.  I can be clean. Again. That is such a refreshing thought.

This morning, however, I saw this phrase in different light.  I thought how it applies to us.  So many times others judge too quickly, and refuse to forgive them.  Sometimes we are like the Scribes and Phrasies, saying "stone her."  How many times have I looked at someone and because I know of some of their mistakes in the past, I resist friendship with them?  I know I've done it.  How many people have done that to me?  I don't know if someone has refused to be my friend because of my mistakes, but I'm sure there must be at least one.

Sometimes we refuse to forgive ourselves. How many times have we said, "cast a stone at her," in the context of ourselves. Never?  How about those times when you hear and/or say I can't be forgiven, or I've gone too far, I'm not within His grasp anymore, or something more simple like you're so stupid, or that was dumb, you shouldn't have done/said that, or I'm not important.  All of those are examples of not forgiving yourself, and saying to yourself "Stone her." I know I struggle with this... I can forgive others pretty easily, but when it comes to myself... well I struggle.

This morning I was overcome with the feeling that we ought to learn to forgive ourselves, but we ought to also learn how to reach out to someone who may have made mistakes and not stone them but rather love them.  Hug them, tell them that you care, encourage them to change and love them even if they can't quite come to that desire yet.  Sometimes that is really hard, especially when the "popular thing" to do is to shun a individual who is different- all have to to say to that is- "What's right isn't always popular, and what's popular isn't always right."(Sharon M. Draper) 

It is this thought that gave me hope to restart this morning.  I can't even put into words all the things that came to mind with this thought- but I can tell you this much, it was inspired, it was put there as a reminder that I can do hard things, and that He does love me.  It gave me the desire to return to truth and happiness.  And to stop avoiding the spirit.  I am so grateful for the moment I had this morning with my Father in Heaven, and for the moment when I noticed that He is exercising His love for me ALWAYS. 

I have accepted that I'm not perfect but I am trying and I am going to keep trying, even when I screw up.