{Drowning}

I haven't felt so free in such a long time. 

Lately, I've done some of the HARDEST things that I've ever had to do, and yet somehow this is the free-est I've ever felt.  It feels like I've just taken a 50 lb. backpack off and know that I don't have to pick it up. 

Don't get me wrong, it's no walk in the park, I'm doing something that most people with my problem want to do but can't do.  Someday, maybe I'll tell you about this in more depth rather than talk in abstracts.  But to put it into terms that most people understand... lets put it like this:

Imagine yourself tethered to a block of cement that is 5 times your weight, now imagine that block of cement submerged 15 feet under water and you're trying to breath.  You're constantly swimming up for air, but you never fully reach the surface, all you get is a gasp-ful of air before you're sucked under again.

What I'm doing is trying to un-tether myself, but in the process I lose strength to swim to the top.  I'm trying to stop myself from drowning. 

Okay, so that probably isn't the best analogy, but it's the best I can think of.