In Retrospect

So today I picked up my trumpet for the first time in almost three years.  Wow it was amazing to play again.  I loved the feeling that it gave me, that burst of adrenaline and like nothing matters.  I improved for a bit and then remembered the reason why I stopped playing.  Feelings of depression, hate, and failure creeped back in, it was as if i were in the moment again on that day of late summer 2010, the last day i really played my horns.  It was on that day that I decided that all prospects of a music major was out of the question.  I told myself that if i did go into music, it would be in music therapy.  I didn't want to be the reason that these already vulnerable kids, much like myself, despised music.  Today all that changed.  Although those feelings of despair came back temporarily, I remembered why I loved music so much, and what feeling performing gives me.  I forgot all about the adrenaline rush you get right before a performance, and about all the work that goes into it but then when it's all done, and you've done what you can, the feeling of accomplishment it gives you.  Today I took a step way into my past.  A step that was very much needed for my progression.  I believe that in order to know where you're going, you must know where you've been, and sometimes we have to remind ourselves of that.  So now that I know music is back in as a possibility, I'm so confused about what I want to do with my life, career wise.  I'm confused, but I feel like I have gained back something that I lost a long time ago.